footprints

Saturday, January 21, 2006

wad a shitty day it was yesterday...all that bullshit about personal pride and glory..GONE..ALL GONE!!!...i just can't get it..it's so unfair for us to lose to SP...they dun have the team dynamics..they dun have the spirit of the team..they looking FUCKING BORED yesterday..no hype at all..we have EVERYTHING..oh..maybe just the luck factor...
I can't really remember the last time i cried so hard i really dun, i just feel that something was lost yesterday..not jus the medal..it was something..
most of SP's points were a gift from us, either it went out or it went into the net...i worked so hard..i was soo tired..
we were leading in the doubles match..how the hell did we lose it??..did i do something wrong??did i make the wrong choice when coach asked me about partnership??..i had a nervous breakdown in the 4th set..so much so that i yelled timeout and forgot that timeout was already called once by coach..i was struggling to keep it together..it was so nerve wrecking..i was encouraging partner so much that i lost confidence in myself..i didn't know how to encourage myself..
they were not exactly a fantastic doubles..we had a very good chance against them..WAD THE HELL WENT WRONG!!..i guess i only have myself to blame..there's only so much i can do..i'm not god..and i'm not blaming anybody..
in order for the last 2 singles to play we HAD to win the doubles match cos the 1st 2 singles was already lost..

Sorry Partner, maybe if i had taken the chance to play on their weakness they wouldn't have kept playing on yours...i'm sorry i yelled at you to return to the middle after u wandered to far off...i'm sorry u feel that u let us down, the fact is that i let everyone down..maybe if i had kept it together and not have a breakdown u wouldn't be so stressed out..

should i pick up the bat again??..i really don't know..i feel that i've lost a part of me..on the long journey back i was thinking thru the match..tears flew out uncontrollably..i wanted some time alone..i noe u guys are worried about me and consoling me..if only i could turn back time??..wad could i have done??..

i msged the team and told not not to think about the match..everyone's fine now i guess.but i'm still sore about wad happened..i was thinkning about it the whole night..my eyes are freaking painful and puffy in the morning that i looked horrible..

i really dunno wad to think anymore..should i go to joelly's SP band concert..i really dun want to have anything to do with anything SP..it just pisses me off..i dunno i dunno..can i use the word personal hatred to describe it??..or is years of friendship more important??..